I need to take the time on this beautiful Saturday afternoon to muse a little bit. Sometimes, it is hard for me to sit down and be honest about all the thoughts that flow through my mind. After all, it’s kind of complicated up there. But after having some time to really reflect on all of the events that happened yesterday, I feel like I can now kind of spill the beans on my internal thoughts and try to talk this out.
It’s hard for me to explain how I’m feeling with everything and I’ve probably done a million rough drafts in my head before I’ve been able to bring myself to sit down and write.
So yesterday, Friday, September 13th, I ventured out to pick up some classmates as we headed to our first day at an elementary school as “literacy buddies” for 3rd grade students. It was a beautiful Friday morning with a hint of early fall in the air. I was shockingly running on time. I’m not sure how to explain the rest that happened, but I do know something to be true. Fate is real. God puts people in the right places and the right time and there is no mistake about it.
For the last 6 months, I have dwelled over the idea of meeting someone in my life. I have longed for the moment desperately. I have prayed and thought about ways that we could make it work. And after giving up completely, God (being the humorous man that he is) placed me right where he wanted me to be yesterday morning. I’m not sure what he wanted me to do with that moment, and out of pure shock, I didn’t react the way I would have originally intended. I hope that someday, rather than looking forward, I can smile and wave instead.
The metaphor of having the green arrow has kind of been one that I’ve been enjoying since this moment. I think when I pulled up to that light I felt my heart jump out of my chest, but because of everything that had happened I felt the need to put the wall up. This moment in my opinion was a defining one because God intended for paths to cross. It felt like he did it on purpose. After completely losing faith, He plopped us both on the same road at the same time, right next to one another. He knew that we both needed a break, to have the chance to see that the other person was in fact alive and a person and that all that had been said and done wasn’t in vain.
I feel like now, in this moment, I can feel good about things. I can say to myself, I am so glad to have finally seen the person who helped me learn a lot about myself and allowed me to seriously grow in respect and love for him. I no longer have to sit and wish things can be different. I can finally accept.
I’m trying to now understand the rest of God’s plan for how to move forward. But I can feel positive that where I am is good. I am doing the right thing.