Hannah…she just gets it. I’ve been struggling with getting back into the groove of things. I love, love, love to keep myself busy. I push myself hard, which sometimes causes for lack of commitment. There are a few things in my life so badly right now. It seems like I’ll never reach the end of the tunnel towards success. But right now, I am working hard to tell myself that someday all of this time will seem like just a blink of the eye.
I love Hannah Brencher’s words so much. Here is a part of the blog post she recently wrote that pertains so much to me and my lost soul sometimes.
“But commitment is the farthest thing from beautiful when you feel stuck in the mud, and the wheels ain’t turning, and you’ve got no choice but to keep going, and keep going, and keep going until you can make something move.
I guess I’m now starting to understand why commitment seems a little jacked up and flimsy in the world today. Because real commitment– hands all in with no hope of turning outward– is not always the picture-perfect, edited thing you’d thought it would be. A lot of times it’s tears. And it’s telling yourself you will get through something, even when you aren’t so sure that you will. And it’s lacing up your boots to get through these battlefields that seek to own you with doubt and insecurity and hopelessness.
And through all of this I’m learning that distractions are real. And distractions sounds like too helpless of a word that, at the root of it, means “an escape from what you are called to do”. The Facebook streams. The Twitter conversations. The filtered little things we peer through the lens of Instagram to find. The magazines. The Netflix. All of it could start as a simple distraction to you but grow bigger and bigger until you are stealthy in escaping through those channels everyday.
There’s thinking you will do something and then actually doing it. The two are completely, completely different and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. And when you start doing it– be it putting your whole heart into a relationship or all of your lungs into this lifetime– you will want to turn back. You will want to run, run, run away to a time when it was easier and it was comfortable and nothing made you fearful or made you feel like something was crawling beneath your skin.
Please stay. Stay until the words come. Stay until you know what you feel. Stay until after you figure out what it is that you feel and you decide that that feeling scares you half to death. Stay when it’s hard. Stay when something inside of you thinks it might just be getting to the good part.
Don’t just stay when it’s blissful. Blissful ain’t never built a life in the way the bricks of struggle & challenge & strife build out a character inside of you.
You might want to leave but maybe that is all the more reason to stay.
Even when the world doesn’t get it and they shut out the lights and they all go home. Are you following them? Are you following them home?
Stay. And be committed.
Only then, only then, will the breakthrough come.”